Homelessness, Ageing and Dying 35 in. In some cases the interviewees said the death had been treated as a major disaster, almost an assumption of failure and that this had been the cause of high levels of stress and anxiety for hostel staff and residents. In reality ‘according to the interviewees’ everything that could have been done was and the person had just died. ‘It was no one’s fault; sometimes death just happens’ was how one interviewee described it. Many of the interviewees, particularly those that were drinking heavily, said that they just lived on a day to day basis and tried not to think too much about anything at all. All of the interviewees had, because of their health and ‘lifestyle’ thought about their death. Most either did not want to die or were afraid of dying. A small number said they were happy to die and ‘were the opportunity to present itself’ they would consider suicide. The thought of their dying and death kept some individuals awake ‘or indeed woke them’ in the night. Where that happened, many coped by turning on the radio and trying not to think about it. Some of the interviewees spoke about how ‘when they were sleeping rough’ they wondered whether they would ever wake up. Others spoke about failed suicide attempts and how they had accepted death as part of that process but then struggled with living thereafter. For some interviewees they worried less about their death and more about leaving their families at a time when they believed some of their children and grandchildren needed their help. Kevin for example was particularly concerned that his grandchildren might take drugs and wanted to be around to warn them of the dangers of drug taking. Other interviewees spoke about how they had ‘over time’ got used to the idea of going to sleep and not waking up and that it no longer really bothered them, for some because they had made their peace and their plans and for others, because they did not think they would be missed. The majority of interviewees had a belief in the existence of a higher power. For some this was God, for others Jesus Christ and for others simply a spiritual or higher being and for them this made the idea of dying easier. Some interviewees spoke about how they had lost their faith and that made the thought of dying ‘difficult’ although most still hoped that there might be an afterlife. Some interviews spoke at length about heaven, hell and purgatory and mused about where they might go when they died. ‘I don’t believe death is the end. I don’t believe I will be born again. I think it is more of a recycling process’ Peter ‘I would like to think I will go to heaven but I think I will have to spend time in purgatory before that’ Dominic I don’t really believe in an afterlife but would not be surprised if there is a spiritual being. I find myself a frequent attender at religious services so I guess I am hoping there is something out there. Graham A few interviewees were regular mass goers, while for one man his move to a location where he was able to get communion on a regular basis was a welcome development. Only one interviewee, Derek, had actively made preparations for his death. His argument was that, having worked as an undertaker for a number of years, he wanted to be in control of what happened to him. He also wanted to ensure that whatever money he had went to his grandchildren. Derek’s active preparations may also have been spurred on by the knowledge that he has a degenerative condition that ultimately
Homelessness, Ageing and Dying
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